singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
