Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
