cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
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