you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
they need to just BURY HIM!
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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