I wish I could teleport
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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