I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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