Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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