What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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