fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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