I wannas sexs uuuuu
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
