sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Randomize
