I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
