She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Randomize
