On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
