is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize
