I cockslap morals
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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