We're like a lot better than the average bears
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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