I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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