I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
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