I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
