Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I just had sex on a roof
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
