I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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