he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
