Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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