theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
