5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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