I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
