When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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