Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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