bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
