Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Ladies don't puke and tell
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Randomize
