wanna go halves on a baby?
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
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