if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
