im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
