Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
