im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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