Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
