I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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