We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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