I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
