It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
