Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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