Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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