you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
