I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
