So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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