Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
