he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
