Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Also, beer. Big fan.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
i now understand why vodka
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
