i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
