At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
