Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
