I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
