i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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